Log in

Yes, it's unusual to live your life this way; [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

hello & goodbye

(no subject) [Nov. 16th, 2020 |11:23 pm]
Link40 tried to beg |ain't no mercy

sotto dakishimete kowasu you ni / hold me gently in order to break me [Oct. 26th, 2005 |12:41 am]
[Current Mood |restlessrestless]
[Current Music |Sleepless Beauty | Nittle Grasper | Gravitation]

I'm a bit restless right now, being unable to sleep but not having energy enough to do anything.

Why is it that I always have my greatest thoughts as I'm drifting off into sleep? That is not the time that I want to be thinking. Perhaps it's because I'm relaxed or whatever, but I'd really much rather be sleeping. This is the time when I start reflecting on my life and what I've done with it so far; sometimes I feel so young, and other times I feel so very, very old.

Everyone has a quest in life, no? Always searching for something, always on the look out -- something that they have to accomplish before they're gone. I'm searching too. I know what I seek, and often times I find it, but I need to find its purest, greatest form; I've been after this for as long as I can remember; it's been years. I haven't figured out how yet, but I want to share it, share what I find. I want to make them see. Am I satisfied with what I've discovered thus far? Of course not. If I was satisfied, my search would be over and there would be no meaning anymore.

Sometimes I worry. Other times, I'm so convinced that everything will be okay, and it's those times that I wonder where that sudden burst of self-confidence and reassurance came from.

I'm not perfect, but there are people who make me want to be.
Linkain't no mercy

(no subject) [Oct. 9th, 2005 |12:27 am]
I am ...

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in
another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn't have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

I am the gay man who spent over half a decade trying to deny who I am and who I love because God supposedly says I should.

Please repost this if you believe homophobia is wrong.
Link1 tried to beg |ain't no mercy

(no subject) [Oct. 8th, 2005 |11:28 am]
[Current Mood |happyhappy]


I went to Trinity last night to see The Mystery of Edwin Drood for my theatre class with some of my friends from said class. We picked up the tickets when we got there & went to find our seats. Alyssa noticed that there weren't any sections or seat numbers on those tickets, so that is why we could find our places. She and I went back to resolve this issue. She joked, "Oh, no seat numbers. Guess that means that we can sit where ever we like," So I said, "Yes! I wanna sit on the stage!" After we fixed the sitch, we took our seats. I so called it; we sat on the stage, like an actual part of the show. It was fucking awesome. *SQUEE* The show totally rocked! I loved the energy & how exciting it was. Towards the end of the show is the part where the audience gets to pick who the killer is & such. All the plausible suspects stand up on boxes with numbers over their heads so the audience can decide. Anyways, one of the main characters, Edwin's uncle Jasper, goes to hop up on his box...Now, this man is a little bit bigger, but that's not a problem. He hops up onto his box, but his footing somehow slips, he bangs his shin & falls down on the box, landing on his stomach. At this point, the audience is laughing because of the obvious screw up. This definitely wasn't planned. He quickly stands up, makes some in-charracter remark about him being too daring but the port being too strong. Then he steps off the box, goes out of charracter for a moment, walks to a nearby wall, and just stands there with his forehead against it. But oh my goodness. Then (to help with the embarrassment) one charracter who is supposed to be drunk, fake-stumbles and falls trying to get up on his own box.

I'd have to say that my favorite scene was the dinner scene, with the song "No good can come from bad". Oh man. My favorite character is definitely Edwin, and then one or two others. My friends jokingly asked me if I liked anyone from this show, because I was totally crushing over the lead actor from the last play we saw. And yes, I'm crushing again. It's okay, it doesn't hurt anyone. =P

It was funny in one part where Edwin is thought to be dead, but reappears & says, "I am Lazarus" and stuff. It was funny because Lazarus was repeated over and over again in the last play we saw [Crime & Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky]. The whole concept of rising from the dead was in both shows, and we all looked at each other at the same time and laughed, 'cause we were all thinking the same thing. But man, it was awesome.

Then walking back to the car, Alyssa and I kept running across the streets to cross at the lights, but everyone else was like, just strolling. We were all daring and stuff. Haha, good times.
Link1 tried to beg |ain't no mercy

(no subject) [Sep. 10th, 2004 |06:42 pm]
If something is too far away you can't see it, but if it's too close, you can't focus on it.
Linkain't no mercy

(no subject) [Sep. 6th, 2004 |06:30 pm]
[Current Mood |guiltyguilty]


There was a time that I had nothing to explain.
Oh, this mess I had made.
But then things got complicated.
My innocence has all but faded.
Oh, this mess I have made.

And I don't believe in God,
So I can't be saved.
All alone as I've learned to be
In this mess I have made.

All the untested virtue,
The things I said I'd never do,
Least of all to you.

I know he's kind and true.
I know that he is good to you.
He'll never care for you more than I do.

But I don't believe in love.
So I can't be tamed.
All alone as I've learned to be.
In this mess.
I have made the same mistakes
Over and over again.

There are rooms in this house
That I don't open anymore.
Dusty books and pictures on the floor
That she will never see.
She'll never see that part of me.
I want to be for her
What I could never be for you.

And I don't believe in God
So I can't be saved.
All alone as I've learned to be.
In this mess I have made.
Link2 tried to beg |ain't no mercy

(no subject) [Jul. 17th, 2004 |03:26 pm]
This is my new journal.
Link7 tried to beg |ain't no mercy

[ viewing | most recent entries ]